All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion
Posted By atorturedsoul on June 30, 2009
When you have bipolar disorder, anger is an emotion that is very easy to give in to. It tends to be the most common emotion and it’s usually what most emotions end up being displayed as. For me, it’s the easiest emotion to deal with. This might be because I don’t “deal” with anger; I “experience” it.
Anger allows you to deflect your own emotions and convey it to someone else. Let me explain. When you are angry, you take it out on someone else. It relieves your own tension and allows you to see another person as the cause of the problem rather than dealing with the real issue and your own true emotions. You “fool” yourself into believing that you don’t have a problem. You believe others really are the problem. It’s a coping mechanism.
For those of you who have friends and family who have bipolar disorder, this may help to explain angry outbursts. Just because they seem to be angry with you does not mean that they truly are. It could be something that isn’t related to you at all and yet you may feel the brunt of it simply because you are near. The person may indeed be angry but they could also be sad, hurt, overwhelmed, tired, or confused. Sometimes it may be helpful to step back and try to identify the root of the problem and possibly find ways to resolve the issue together. Knowing that the person is not really upset with you may help to soften the blow a bit and may help you to better understand their actions.
(Warning: Do not attempt to rationalize with someone who is enraged or becoming violent. Remove yourself from the situation and allow the person to calm down.)
At the moment, anger is my biggest issue. Quite often, this is the case. I am starting to see it as a red flag. When it gets out of control, it means I am covering up other emotions. I am now at that point. I know what I am trying to cover up. Depression is starting to set in and this is how I fight it off. Eventually, it will consume me if I don’t deal with it.
However, there are real issues that I am angry about right now and if you add this to the other emotions being displayed as anger then it seems I am angry all of the time. I realize that lately my blog has been more personal than informative and I have been trying hard to provide more information but at the same time I must vent my frustrations in an attempt to work through some issues and decrease my anger. Please forgive me and bear with me.
I really hate to discuss personal matters involving other people but it is something that I must let go of in order to rid myself of the anger resulting from the situation. I apologize in advance to those involved that may be angered by this, but you are better equipped to deal with the anger than I am. I have to let go of some things before it drags me down to a point that is hard to get back from.
A family member was injured by a boyfriend. They were arguing and she ran outside and refused to come back in the apartment. He drug her back in–literally drug her, leaving large scrapes across her back and hips and behind one ear. The wounds are large and were weeping. They soaked through gauze bandages on her back and through her clothing.
Some of you will remember me mentioning that I was married to an abusive man once. I also said that a man made me remember all of this the other day and sent me into a blind rage where I tried to attack him with a club. Maybe I am just nearing a psychotic break and I think I may be a bit psychic, but I now think it was a sign of things to come. (Either way, I am going to need some medication changes before I hurt someone or myself or both. It’s on my to-do list.)
I am enraged in a way that I don’t know how to handle. I found out this morning that she is going back to him tomorrow. She told him if it happened again that it would be over. Seriously? You think this will be the last time? The only thing you did was show him that he can do that to you without consequence. He also thinks your family will let it go and no one will do anything about it. Not me. I am not the one. (A personal note to the victim: Seek counseling immediately. You desperately need it.)
How enraged am I? You know who you are. I know where you are. It is in your best interest to avoid me for eternity. Just thinking about this and typing it all out has me so angry that I am shaking. Family gatherings are things you need to avoid from this day forward because I will be there and I will be waiting and watching for you. I’m not the only one and we are not afraid of assault charges. I will happily pay the fine and make sure I get my money’s worth. You’ve been warned. I cannot look at you without causing you bodily harm.
With that, I am off to contemplate calling my doctor for an increase in dosage, asking my hubby for permission to take half of a Xanax to calm down, and scheduling more counseling once the kids are back in school. I need it. Reading back over this, I recognize that I am in a very bad place and I have to start working to climb back up before I hit bottom again.
I realize that all of this sounds horrific but I am trying to honestly discuss my innermost feelings to keep from acting on them. (By acting on them, I mean beyond the inevitable smacking him around.) These are the deep, dark feelings that many of us hide in our minds and never discuss with anyone. I have to get them out. This is just one of many things bothering me but it is the most disturbing one. It has stirred up more rage than anything I have ever experienced and I am trying to find ways to work through it. Venting it openly and honestly was a first step. Now I am looking for step two. Any suggestions?
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All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion-
When you have bipolar disorder, anger is an emotion that … http://bit.ly/3U2Dr
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion http://a2a.me/RLT
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion http://a2a.me/RLT
I have no suggestions but just wanted to say thanks for your explaination of anger in the beggining of your post. My little guy is either agitated and angry or hyper and chit-chatting.
One time on the school bus he hit a little girl and later said he did it because he was thinking about and was mad at someone else.
so i *get* where you are coming from.
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion-
When you have bipolar disorder, anger is an emotion that … http://bit.ly/3U2Dr
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion-
When you have bipolar disorder, anger is an emotion that … http://bit.ly/3U2Dr
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion http://a2a.me/RLT
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion http://a2a.me/RLT
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion http://a2a.me/RLT
All About Bipolar: Anger–the most common emotion http://a2a.me/RLT
I did not think I’d ever find such a straightforward and helpful site as yours. Thank you so much for the explanation of your angry episodes. My daughter (28) becomes angry with co-workers, strangers on the road, even people she is just hearing about on the news. She vents about them to me, and it really can be frightening. She describes scary revenges, for example, that I doubt she “means.” It helps to think of it as displaced feelings, but I am not sure how to respond to the outbursts. I would appreciate any insight you have.
Thank you so much! I try to be as straightforward as I can be in order to help others to better understand this disorder. Many people will tip toe around the issues but I feel that you can only help if you are open and honest about how things really are.
A lot of the people around me on a regular basis know to overlook my outbursts. If they become frequent, many of them know that there is a problem and will encourage me to speak to my doctor about my medication. It helps to be nonconfrontational and certainly speak about it privately rather than in a group. Never try to speak to someone while they are angry. More often that not, you will only increase their anger.
A big help for me has been taking the time to explore my feelings privately. I may not discuss them with anyone else, but I have learned to be honest with myself and try to understand what I am truly feeling and how I can manage those emotions to control my anger. It doesn’t “cure” my anger but it does help me to have more control over myself and the situation.
Please feel free to contact me at allaboutbipolar@writersbeacon.com at any time.
Hi, I do have a suggestion. Try a different frame of reference. I believe what you are calling anger is actually irritability. But you (as I have been) are irritable to such an extreme that it feels like anger. It wasn’t until recently that I read that irritability is a common symptom of being bipolar. Just knowing this helped a great deal. Now when I get crazy I can step back from it, knowing that it’s my brain chemistry and not the present circumstances. Xanax helps too in those instances. And now family and friends know it, and they don’t take my outbursts so personally.
Be well, Marco http://bipolarized.wordpress.com
It’s great to a certain extent that there are others who experience the same “episodes” that I go through. It just sucks that we have to. I too feel I must speak my mind of anger and irritation, I just have to. It’s really hard for me to feel good about myself due to my bipolar. I hurt people when I know I’m the one hurt. Other peoples opinions bother me A LOT when it comes to MY feelings. It took me years to find the right medication. I’ve had Xanax before, and it’s great for emergencies. I’m now taking Lamictal, and lately I can control myself more. By all means, I still get upset when I have to repeat myself to others, and when my security gets tested. I always demand respect. The depression kills me and makes me more upset.
What I’ve found out to help GREATLY, is MEDITATION. Trying Yoga and becoming one with yourself calms your days. I highly recommend finding a quite place ALONE and soft music, incense, candles whatever you find relaxing. Sounds of water falling, and focus on that one thing. I noticed If I don’t get my “alone time” to do so, my days are a lot harder. I hope this can help you, and give you peace at mind.
Hi and thank you for your personal insighful explanations about these issues. I myself do not have Bipolar Disorder but someone I deeply love does. My boyfriend, or shall I say my ex-boyfriend. He has had episodes almost every month and recently got angry& irritated by my opinions and point of view on issues such as the death penalty and child support that he broke up with me and changed his cell number. This has all happened may times before and I am learning to cope but do you all know how you make others feel when you have outbursts and say words that scar so intensely? I realize that you said you need to vent and get your irritation out but why on the ones that love you the most? Please, please share with me your perspective on this because this is something truly important for me to understand especially because I still love my ex and want to encourage him and be by his side. Many thanks!
Usually because they are readily available. Honestly, the rage must go somewhere. Many of us not found effective ways of channeling our anger or have no other avenues of venting besides blowing up. I have learned to vent the majority of my issues here instead of directing it towards others. It took time to do this and I had to accept my illness first. Secondly, I had to learn control. This was not something I could do on my own. I needed medication to lessen my anger and I had to understand where my anger originated. When I appear angry, I am not always angry. Sometimes I use anger to mask pain and keep from losing myself to intense sorrow or similar emotions that I cannot process at that time. Anger comes easier. I can put my anger off on someone else with little effect on me personally, but I can’t make them cry for me. It’s a coping mechanism at times. Showing anger to someone does not always mean that you are angry with them. This isn’t any different from any other person. Everyone must vent.
You must understand that someone will not get better unless they want to get better. You must also understand that not every issue or character flaw a person has is related to bipolar disorder. As an example, I am a strongly opinionated person and I love to debate. I do get angry when someone refuses to listen to reason or try to understand what I am saying. I believe it is mutual respect in a conversation. Is this related to bipolar disorder? No. I enjoy learning and digging into topics and tearing them apart to learn more. I can debate nicely–if someone does the same.
Know that someone else’s issues are not your fault and realize that you should never let another person’s issues cause you pain and suffering. You can’t make him get help and if he is truly out of control and refuses help you have no recourse other than to walk away. Encourage him to seek help by offering to attend counseling sessions with him as a couple to sort out the issues at hand.
Hi, I was thinking, when you asked for suggestions… about the story of the Pharoh who had the two lions chained by his throne? Have you heard it? He held the chains of the lions and when he felt it was necessary and time, he would sometimes let them off the chains and let them eat up bad people that came before Pharoh for judgement. When his son became Pharoh after him, at first he kept the lions chained as his father did. But then he really started to live vitally inside the drama of the lions being off the chains, and the fireworks, and the fear and respect on the faces of his subjects when the lions were loose. He began to let them roam freely in the throne room, and one day they ate him up.
Which of course points to how we hold our anger. We live with it intimately, and when we hold the chain firmly in hand, it can be a powerful and appropriate force at times. The anger you discuss toward someone hurting your sister is certainly, in my view, appropriate. But if you are not holding the chains of the lions they could eat you, or even her, by being uncontrolled. So obviously the hope is to keep them on the chains and only let them off if the moment demands it. When I was thinking how to do this, I am thinking about what I do when I’m angry (I do have a hot temper, at 50 it is not as destructive as it once was), because I’m having a conversation with myself. For example, you are writing, above, and address the rat that hurt your sister, and who is being given another chance by your sister. Then the anger itself seems to rise up like a wave and carry you into a realm in which you will yourself become hurt by the consequences? So… you say you need to get it out, and I don’t contradict that. I started wondering, what if you expressed it like a feeling you have, not like an action you are going to take? “I feel like I want to ignore you or even hurt you next time I see you” rather than “I am going to” … and this rat, really was a baby in someones arms once, and a little guy that got scared and angry himself and got imprinted somehow with these behaviors, or didn’t get what he needed to bloom… I think it helps me to start by acknowledging the beauty of the immortal soul inside each of us, even those showing up as rats in the present moment… not that they are not being rats, but that in there is as beautiful and worthy a soul as your sisters, and the tarnish is painful to that soul… I guess that’s why they call them “lost souls” … so much is lost…… so then I’m not sure where to take that, but know that even justice must regret the loss of innocence that made it necessary…I guess the anger is covering up sorrow too? Well, some practical advice for myself and perhaps you too… I worked for a holistic nutritionist when young (Robert Gray) and he used to work on helping people improve their diets…and he used to say…don’t focus on what you want to take out of your diet, you will fail. Just focus on putting a lot of healthy delicious things into your diet, and eat all the good things you need, and it will crowd out the negative foods, there will eventually not be room for both. Allow it to take some time for this to happen, results are not meant to be instant, life would be too easy and over too fast! As for emotions, could the same tactic work? Put as much good as possible in, give yourself a venue to train good responses, and it will little by little uproot the unhealthy responses? I suggest Aikido, I have practiced it for 30 years and it is a wealth of strength and balance in my life.
Edy, I appreciate so much your response! I am bipolar and find myself so many times reactive with my boyfriend (really the only person I target, and happens to be the person I love the most). I then find myself completely guilt ridden over my angry reactions to his sometimes silly, sometimes just normal guy behavior. I have copied and printed your respond. So beautiful, so nuanced, and wise.