All About Bipolar

Posted By atorturedsoul on June 25, 2009

If I should die tomorrow, there are things I would want everyone to know.

A funeral is for the living. Don’t worry about my wishes. Do what you must to comfort yourself and don’t try to figure out how I would have liked it. I can make a few suggestions if you don’t know what you want to do, but you probably won’t like them so don’t fret over it. If they make you smile or even laugh, then it will keep you from mourning and remind you of who I was.

I don’t need a preacher so you can save the fee they charge and go have a nice dinner instead. But, if you feel like you need a sermon and someone to talk about heaven and hell then go ahead. It’s not like I will have to listen to it. Say a few words and throw me in the ground. I will never know the difference.

Don’t worry about a fancy casket or a vault. It’s a waste of money. Spend it having a good time rather than throwing it away on something that will be covered with dirt never to be seen again. Buy a headstone if you like, but I’d be satisfied with a rock with my name etched in it. Better yet, pour a square of concrete and have my babies (or grandbabies if that time has come) put their handprints in it and write my name across the top with their finger. Plop it down at my head and I’ll be happy.

You don’t have to send flowers or dress up. You can put me in a dress if you want to, but people probably wouldn’t recognize me. Play the music you want. Don’t worry about picking out hymns that make everyone sleepy and don’t worry about what I would have liked. You can play “Ding dong, the witch is dead” for all I care. Hell, it would get a laugh and you can all reminisce about how bitchy I was and be thankful for all of the bitching you won’t have to hear.

I wouldn’t expect a lot of people to attend but be sure to tell those that do show up that I haven’t spoken to in years that I didn’t like them anyway so they can save their tears and rejoice in knowing that they have one less enemy in the world. Make it a party and piss a few people off. That’s more fun than a stuffy old wake, don’t you think? Enjoy yourselves because I don’t want you crying over me. My headaches are over. It is you I feel sorry for because you have many more headaches and heartaches to endure.

Don’t talk about how short my life was. Whether I die 30 years from now or 30 minutes from now, my life has been full. I have seen more in my years than some people see in a lifetime and I don’t feel like I have missed anything important. In fact, I feel like I have lived too much sometimes.

Keep my jewelry. Don’t bury me with even one piece of it. Give my engagement and wedding ring to my children, along with everything else. I won’t need it and it would be a shame for it to be six foot underground when my family could be enjoying it. Give my grandmothers’ mothers’ rings to my oldest daughter and give my mother’s ring to my youngest daughter. Sort out the rest anyway you want but don’t bury it. You wouldn’t dig a hole in the yard and throw it in and bury it. In my eyes, burying it with me is no different.

Whatever you do, don’t ask yourself if you could have made my life easier, done more for me, helped me, or even spent more time with me. I got everything I needed from the people I needed it from. I don’t feel like anyone let me down in life. Those of you who loved me-I felt your love and was fulfilled by it. I was not disappointed by the people I was close to. We made our memories, good and bad, and there is plenty for you to remember. You could not have done anymore for me in life than what you did so move on from my death and know that it was simply my time.

If by chance my life does end by suicide, don’t see it as a personal failure-mine or yours. My illness is terminal for 1 out of every 5 people who have it. Simply see it as that and nothing more. There was nothing you, or I, could do. It wasn’t something that anyone did. It was just the way my illness ended. I was sick and it caused my death. There is no reason for anyone to feel guilt.

Don’t worry that you will never see me again. (You can’t get rid of me that easily.) You will see me in every sunset, every starry night, and in all of nature that surrounds you. You’ll feel my presence in the light breeze that you feel on your face in the sun. I’ll be around and you’ll feel me there and know that I am at peace. My spirit will always be with you and you will be aware of it if you stop and think of me. I will be that shadow in the corner of your eye, the voice in your head, and the gentle touch that wakes you in the morning. Don’t feel as if you have lost me; I will surround you in everything you see.

**I want to assure everyone that this is not a suicide note. I am contemplating writing a book about my life and I think a revised (and longer) version of this would be perfect for the last chapter. Agree or disagree, I would like your opinion.

Related posts:

1. Talk to myself? Are you kidding? The advice some people give people with bipolar disorder is...
2. Holding a grudge. It’s not bipolar disorder I hold grudges for a lifetime. Forgiveness? Sure. I will...
3. Take that, voices! I am ignoring my voices today and feeling pretty smug...
4. Doing the right thing? I saw something Friday afternoon that broke my heart and...
5. Multiple personality types in bipolar disorder Do you have bipolar disorder? Do you have several distinct...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Categories: About Bipolar Disorder, My Personal Experiences
Tags: about, all, bipolar, book, die, tomorrow