All About Bipolar: Accepting change

Posted By atorturedsoul on May 15, 2009

I used to care but now I take pills for that.

It’s not even noon and I am already having a long day. Have you ever stopped and thought this isn’t what I expected my life to be like? Don’t get me wrong. There is no place I would rather be than right here with my family. I just never thought I would end up mentally ill.

Before you think I am having a pity party, hear me out. I don’t feel sorry for myself and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. When someone we love dies, we mourn. It’s very similar to that. I am grieving over the death of the person I once was. I am trying to learn to accept that I will never be the person I was years ago.

Let me explain. When I was in my teens and early twenties, I was vivacious and up for anything. I was very spontaneous because I enjoyed the thrill of never knowing what I would be doing next. On top of the world, I was popular, always busy and my phone never stopped ringing. I did more in a month than most people did in a year. I loved my life.

Today, I can’t leave the house without planning it days in advance and I get so anxious that I will become physically ill. I can’t stand being in crowds and a lot of times I won’t even answer the phone. I can’t deal with change. Spontaneity is a thing of the past.

I can manage. I just have to learn how to live this new life. That’s what I am working on—acceptance and management.

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Categories: My Personal Experiences
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About the author

atorturedsoul

I am a 35 year old mother of four wonderful children living in the great state of Tennessee. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic features and Panic Disorder with agoraphobia. All About Bipolar is intended to offer advice to others dealing with this disorder. If my experiences help one person to see that they are not alone in coping with bipolar disorder, then I have accomplished my goal.

Comments

5 Responses to “All About Bipolar: Accepting change”

  1. Bipolar Blogs says:
    May 15, 2009 at 11:54 am

    All About Bipolar: Accepting change –

    It’s not even noon and I am already having a long day. Have you eve… http://bit.ly/H4F95

    [Original tweet, Topsy page]

  2. Bipolar Blogs says:
    May 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    All About Bipolar: Accepting change –

    It’s not even noon and I am already having a long day. Have you eve… http://bit.ly/H4F95

    [Original tweet, Topsy page]

  3. Bipolar Blogs says:
    May 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    All About Bipolar: Accepting change –

    It’s not even noon and I am already having a long day. Have you eve… http://bit.ly/H4F95

    [Original tweet, Topsy page]

  4. bipolar blogs says:
    May 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    All About Bipolar: Accepting change –

    It’s not even noon and I am already having a long day. Have you eve… http://bit.ly/H4F95

    [Original tweet, Topsy page]

  5. bipolar blogs says:
    May 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    All About Bipolar: Accepting change –

    It’s not even noon and I am already having a long day. Have you eve… http://bit.ly/H4F95

    [Original tweet, Topsy page]

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About All About Bipolar

All About Bipolar demonstrates the day to day grind faced by a person dealing with bipolar disorder while providing information about this serious mental illness.


About the author

atorturedsoul

I am a 35 year old mother of four wonderful children living in the great state of Tennessee. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic features and Panic Disorder with agoraphobia. All About Bipolar is intended to offer advice to others dealing with this disorder. If my experiences help one person to see that they are not alone in coping with bipolar disorder, then I have accomplished my goal.