All About Bipolar: Dealing with people who provoke me
Posted By atorturedsoul on April 27, 2009
It's hard being bipolar.
I need advice. How do you handle people who purposely antagonize you? I am trying very hard to remain stable but certain people seem to enjoy provoking me. It’s a difficult task and the added stress makes it even harder.
My spouse is insistent that I take certain steps to keep my symptoms under control. I’ll be the first one to tell you that it is really hard living with bipolar disorder but I know it is just as difficult for my husband. I have to stay in therapy and stay on top of my symptoms so I can alert my doctors in case I need an adjustment in dose or a change in medication.
I have always been known for being mouthy. I am brutally honest and I don’t sugar coat anything. I used to tell people that there are no brakes between my brain and my mouth. If I think, I’ll say it. Now I take the time to think about what I am saying and that is no easy feat. I am sincerely putting forth a great deal of effort.
Normally I would avoid people who try to get me riled up because I know I have issues with anger management and it just isn’t worth the trouble of trying to be nice when someone won’t let you. However, this is a case where I can’t do that and it is causing me quite a bit of grief.
My mother-in-law seems to derive great pleasure from stirring me up. It is almost as if she gets great satisfaction from making me be an ass. I will admit that it doesn’t take a lot to do that, but hey, I am trying. The problem is that I cannot avoid her altogether and my husband refuses to see that she provokes me. I will be on my best behavior and she will intentionally start discussing a topic that she knows pushes my buttons. She will go on and on until I must state my opinion and my opinion is never popular because I tell it like it is and I tend to have a greater understanding of the issue than she does. She can’t prove me wrong but she tries really hard and typically ends up shutting up after she has already got me started on a rant. Then she is smug because she has made me, once again, show my ass and made my husband think I am the bad guy.
My husband says that I am just too sensitive and I need to learn to let things go. I can let things go but not when someone goes on and on about something that they know I have a strong opinion about. There are a lot of times where I will step outside to get away from her and cool down. I do this at least three times during every visit. I have pointed that out to my husband to show him that I am making an effort. I have explained to him that it is impossible for to me to keep walking away when she intentionally starts in on something to make me mad.
Of course this causes a lot of trouble between my husband and I and I really believe that she enjoys that. I have not had to see her since February. (They live over an hour away.) The mere mention of visiting makes me cringe because I know what will happen. My husband always blames me. (I guess it is easy to blame the girl with bipolar disorder for everything.) I get upset about it and try to explain it to him but he always insists that it is just me. I am not imagining this. She really does try to provoke me. I really think it would help if he spoke to her about this rather than always blaming me, but again he always thinks it is my fault.
My objections to this issue are always met with, “That’s my family.” Well, guess what? I am your family, too. Why should I have to be subjected to this over and over again? All I want is for him to see what is really going on.
What should I do? I am really at a loss.
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I don’t know how to tell you too deal with people that antagonize you. I have people that do this to me as well, and I bet if you asked my DH who has bipolar that there are times that I seem to antagonize him without meaning to. We try to let people know that certain actions can set him or I off and hope that they are caring and understanding enough to try not to do it!!
Stephanie’s last blog post..Queen of Alll Things Awe-Summm!!! Award
I wish I had an answer…I have been having the same difficulty myself. Sometimes I just confront the person in private. At least then, there are no witnesses to me showing my ass!
When I have a day that I am feeling particularly emotional, I find a way to make sure I can avoid contact with those ‘button-pushers’.
Lori@Not Always Charming’s last blog post..Situational Awareness
I’m sorry this is happening. I think more than your mother-in-law’s behavior, it’s your husband not backing you that’s causing the most distress. You say you are in therapy–is there any way your husband would go with you to a session with your therapist? Maybe having a neutral third party there when you and your husband discuss this issue would help. If he hears it from someone of authority that this IS a serious issue, maybe he would listen more?
Another thing you could try is changing the subject when your mother-in-law gets going on something that makes you crazy. I do this with a few of my relatives, because some of them talk about the most embarrassing or crazy things and I just indulge them for a minute or two and then launch into something completely different. I usually try to think of a few good topics before the visit that will be good to talk about and distract the person from more frustrating topics.
As for your husband, guys are usually very task-oriented. Perhaps if you gave him a specific direction on your m-in-law issues, he might respond better. So, you know, name one or two topics and say if she brings those up, would he humor you and change the subject? Tell him if he does this, you’ll promise to just let some other topics go. Hopefully this might help.
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All About Bipolar: Dealing with people who provoke me – I need advice. How do you handle people who purposely antag… http://bit.ly/136MD5
All About Bipolar: Dealing with people who provoke me – I need advice. How do you handle people who purposely antag… http://bit.ly/136MD5
All About Bipolar: Dealing with people who provoke me – I need advice. How do you handle people who purposely antag… http://bit.ly/136MD5